i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
