dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
