My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think your dad took our porno
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
