Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
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