that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
