careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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