Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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