we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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