We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
