The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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