drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
