yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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