so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
organizing the empties. That sober.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
