Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
