everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My liver just had a heart attack.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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