he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
