Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I think i got beer on your cat.
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