so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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