You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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