Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You dont lie about slip and slides
You may now shotgun with the bride
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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