I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
