I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize