Im at strip club and am horny
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
