Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
