At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Do you still have your period?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
