im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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