this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
