I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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