I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
time to smoke my breakfast
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
