i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
