my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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