My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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