We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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