i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
