i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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