just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
