I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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