Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
