I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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