i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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