sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Damn victory sex feels great
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
