She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
