ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
