Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
