Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
