Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
ugly people sure do ruin things
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
