For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Randomize
