Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
