Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
