i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
