my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
