I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
