There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
