he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
