whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize