Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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