Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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