I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
