tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
