why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
