Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
