I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize