Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My first STD was from a foam party
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
