well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
