You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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