yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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