Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
